Before paper and pencil were invented I wrote out synopsis in electronic mail and spammed my entire company. So here is some of the few pre-blog synopsis. Warning no pictures.
6 women. 1 cave. 1000’s of scary Gollum creatures out to get them.
(Something Freudians going on but I’m not smart enough to put it together)
Woman1 -Lets go into this cave system here in the creepiest part of the Appalachians
Woman3 –Don’t forget the map
Woman4 –We wouldn’t want to get lost
Woman5- Woman 6 has the map
8 hours later
Woman6 – I’m sorry we’re lost and I’m sorry I left the map in the truck. Ha ha ha ha ha that’s kind of funny right?
Gollum creature –RRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!
Woman6 – We are so screwed.
Woman3 – I hate you.
Unrated (Boom chikka waa waa.)
A bunch of American college kids, and a token Euro. South American Ruins.
Euro Boy: Hey! You American kids want to see some very creepy Ruins?
American kids: (in unison, except girl 2 who is apprehensive) Golly do we ever!
Cut to ruins in South American jungle
Girl1: Why won’t those natives let us leave
Boy2: I don’t know but why is this vine growing into my leg at an uncommonly prodigious rate
Euro Boy: ZOMG, The temple is built on a giant carnivorous plant! RUN!
Girl2: We can’t. The natives, remember!
Gollum: We must be tricksy and escape.
Boy 1: WTF? Gollum’s here? Give us the invisible ring you little bastard!
Boy 2: Calm down you’re hallucinating because the only thing we’ve had to drink for 3 days straight is vodka!
Girl2: Ah Jesus the plant grew outta my eye!
Euro Boy: LOL! As we say in ze Germany!
The Ring 2
Put on a VHS tape. Yeah I know, what’s that?
We see a video of * a tree* *a well* * an old mansion* *a creepy girl*
Well that movie sucked.
2 days later you get a phone call and your TV goes static and.. The creepy girl comes out of it all herky jerky and staccato and you DIE!
It would be, WTF is wrong with you kid? You get your ass upstairs and put a god damn brush to your hair. And don’t come down until you look like Anne of Green Gables.
Jesus, kids these days.